Treasured possession

Deuteronomy 14: 1 You are the children of the LORD your God. . . for you are a people holy to the LORD your God. Out of all the peoples on the face of the earth, the LORD has chosen you to be his treasured possession.



OK. So it was Moses talking to the Israelites, but I know that it applies to me now, too. Wow. I am a treasured possession. I am a child of the King. He has chosen to adopt me and considers me His daughter. I will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God. Because my sins have been forgiven, by the gracious love of Jesus, He sees me as white as snow. I am His beloved. I will one day sit with Jesus. . .

Wow. . .

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I have become my parents

Well, that’s just GREAT. I am becoming my parents. I am 44 years old. Not 64, but 44. I’ve started watching the WEATHER on TV. I read the OBITUARIES every day. When I answer the phone at my parent’s house, people think it is Mom. They even say I look like my Mom. And I have often been known to talk to COMPLETE STRANGERS. (Thanks, Dad.)  The last time I went to Keyes, I checked to see how much the WHEAT HAD GROWN.




I take 18 pills every day. I AM PITIFUL. I’ve got more doctors in my phone list than I can count. My days are often planned about what PAIN I have and my level of fatigue. I’m not thinking about retirement but disability. I have THREE autoimmune disorders. THREE I say. THREE. I have a heating pad in bed for my feet. (21st century hot water bottle, I guess!) I have Biofreeze and Arnica Muscle Salve by my bedside.

I can just see my children doing “rock, paper, scissors” for who HAS to take care of me.



“YOU do it.”


“NO. I’m not going to do it. YOU do it.”


“NO, she came here for Thanksgiving. YOU have to take her for Christmas.”



If I start keeping track of my bowel movements, would someone just shoot me?



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Life is hard

I remember when I was an obnoxious teenager, we used to say, "Life is hard. . . and then you die!"  But you know what, I think that may be true.  Oh, I don't mean to be melodramatic.  Life is just hard.  Things don't go our way.  We face difficulties and challenges.  God never promises in his Word that life will be easy.  He just says He will never leave us and never forsake (abandon) us. 

When I look at my life "as a whole," I find it hard to find times when I DIDN'T struggle with something.  And now, when I look at my amazing daughters, I have to think that they, too, are already experiencing the "life is hard" thing.  I wonder sometimes, exactly why IS life so hard?  I'm sure that if I were to study my Bible more, I would find a better answer, but for now, I think the answer is just that it is. 

I was thinking on Sunday, in my hometown church in Keyes, during the communion time, about being in heaven with God.  I had just had a conversation with the minister there (Robert) about the different translations of the Bible, and we had talked about hell.  I believe that Jesus DID experience some time in hell, but not the "down under" kind of hell like some denominations believe.  I think He was in hell because He was separated from the Father. 

So I'm sitting there, in the quiet (they don't sing during their communion time, which is actually kind of nice), and I was thinking that we really don't have any idea of what hell is like, because we have not yet gotten to be in the Presence of the Father.  Only THEN will we really understand total happiness and joy and peace and love ~ ~ and too, what hell really is. 

Life without God.

Domestic Violence

My heart hurts today thinking of a friend of mine who is being abused by her husband.  You know who you are.  PLEASE get help.  I love you!  Call me if you need to.  I am praying for you.

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical.



Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love.


Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under their thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.


Recognizing abuse is the first step to getting help!


Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical violence and even murder. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. No one deserves this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.


http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

• One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.


• An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.


• 85% of domestic violence victims are women.


• Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew.


• Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence.


• Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.


• Witnessing violence between one’s parents or caretakers is the strongest risk factor of transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next.


• Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.


• 30% to 60% of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the household.


IF YOU NEED HELP


For more information or to get help, please call:


THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE at 1-800-799-7233


THE NATIONAL SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINE AT 1-800-656-4673


THE NATIONAL TEEN DATING ABUSE HOTLINE AT 1-866-331-9474

Mawage

This is from one of my Top 5 favorite movies EVER:



Mawage. . . and while I laugh (a lot) at the old priest and this scene, marriage is really not anything to laugh about. 

Last night, while I was having dinner with my BFF Carla, we ran into someone we both know, and it seems she is getting a divorce.  She has two little girls. 

So this leads me to thinking about marriage and how society views it today.  And I think that people just don't take marriage seriously.  That they don't take seriously their PROMISE to each other AND to the Lord God above. 

Let's just be honest:  Most of the time, marriage is just hard.  Oh, sure, there are some people out there who seem to have those effortless marriages that really DO end in "happy ever after."  But for most of us, in the real world, it just doesn't work that way.  Marriage is tough.  It takes hard work and dedication and sacrifice.  But those are things people today don't want to give away, whether it's in a marriage or in a job, or whatever. 

I was very surprised to learn, in my early days as a Christian, as I was just discovering the Word of God, that love is an action, a verb.  I really always thought it was a feeling.  Really, I did.  I thought it was that "thing" that made your heart race a little and you got that little butterfly feeling in your stomach.  I was really kind of sad to learn that was not love.

Love is staying with someone when you sometimes don't like them.  Love is washing someones dirty underwear and drying them and putting them in the drawer.  Love is cooking dinner at the end of the day when you'd really rather eat out.  Love is cutting the grass in the hot sun, with grass clippings sticking to your sweat.  Love is getting up early in the morning with the baby so your spouse can sleep in.

And love is going out to a candlelight dinner and lingering over dessert.  Love is that comfortable feeling of walking next to someone and you put your hand out and theirs just knows to grab it.  Love is that time in the middle of the night when your foot eases over just to touch the other's.  And love is sitting in the same spot at church, week after week, month after month, year after year, taking the Lord's Supper together.

You see, love is a CHOICE.  It's something you do even when you don't feel like it, even when you hit the rough patches in life (and make no mistake about it ~ you WILL hit them).  Love takes time and commitment and sacrifice and hard work and determination.  Can you really, truly appreciate the mountaintop experiences in marriage if you haven't been through some valleys?

Mawage. . . I'm in it for the long haul!

Acceptance Avenue

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it! My girls will tell you this really IS something I say all the time. Rejoice. In the NIV translation, “rejoice” is used 156 times. And a large majority of these are God TELLING us TO rejoice. Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! And often, it is paired with “and be glad.”



So this leads me to think about “nature vs nurture” and about resisting our “flesh nature.” You see, my Mom’s side of the family, on her father’s side, are almost 100% crabby old farts. Really. I mean that. They are not mean spirited or ugly towards people. They are just generally negative people. Growing up, I took this VERY personally. But now, as an adult, I tend to find it funny. When my Mom (who I love more than my luggage, by the way!) is in one of her particularly crabby moods, I’ll often just say, “Well, you’re an old hag today, huh?!” We just laugh about it and it usually causes her mood to lift and she stops being so, well, crabby.



But when I really think about this, I know that this, too, is what my “natural” nature is: to be crabby and negative. Before I accepted the Lord into my heart and the Holy Spirit of God into my being, I know that I was on the same road. And really, it was so much a part of who I was and how I was raised that I didn’t even NOTICE. But now that I am a new creation in Christ, He has taken me off the Hag Highway and put me on a different road. Do I still have that tendency toward negativity? Oh, yes! But with Christ in me, I find that I NOTICE now when I am approaching the on ramp to the H-Highway, and I choose not to get on, and instead, I try to stay on Acceptance Avenue, where I know that God wants me to be. And when I look at who HE is, and how He accepts ME, with all my flaws and failures, I should be a little more willing to stay on His road. Do I always succeed? No, I sure don’t. But I know that I do have the Holy Spirit as my Navigator, and with His help, I’m trying harder than ever to let Him lead.

Building character

As a child/youth/young adult, my father (Howard) used to tell me ad nauseum when something difficult came my way or I was forced to do something I really didn't want to do, that I was building character.  I remember telling him once, in my early 20s, when something bad happened, that I was SURE I had enough character!!

Here's my beloved father, Howard Balenseifen:

So here I am, at age 44, and when I have to do something difficult, I think about building character.  It seems I have to do a lot of that anymore.

I work my regular job, working 8:30 to 5:00, Monday through Friday, doing wellness coaching over the phone.  I sit at a desk, so it's not physically tiring, but by the end of the day, I AM tired, nonetheless. 

But then I have a 2nd job, too, doing injection training for a pharmaceutical company.  This company makes a medication that treats multiple sclerosis.  It is a daily medication that is in shot form.  So when a client is first prescribed this medication, I go out to their home and teach them how to give themself shots.  When I started it, it was soooo perfect.  At THAT time, I was working just 20 hours a week at BSA, so this was a perfect supplement to my income.  But now that I work full-time (see earlier post) it's really hard.  I have to do it after 5:00 and on Saturdays.  I often have to drive to Plainview or Pampa or Dalhart.  And it seems to go in spurts.  Sometimes I'll have no trainings or a couple of weeks.  Then I'll do 3 in one week.  The money is AMAZING, though, and once a year I get to go someplace awesome for a training seminar.  This last year, I got to go to New Orleans, and my sweet Mamma went with me.  Here we are, in a trolley car:

So when these times come up (like it did yesterday), I just "Man Up" and go.  It makes for a LONG day, but we need the money.

And after all, I AM building character!!!

Have YOU been under the fig tree?

In John, Jesus meets Phillip and Nathanael.  As Jesus is trying to convince Nathanael that He is the Messiah, He mentions that Nathanael had been under the fig tree.  Our interim minister (Craig) told us today that in Jesus' time, being under your fig tree meant you were in a time of prayer or meditation.  SO Jesus was, in essence, telling Nathanael that He knew he (Nathanael) had been talking to God. 

So I was thinking about how often I, personally, get under the fig tree.  Jesus also told Nathanael that he (Nathanael) was a man of integrity. 

So if Jesus were to come upon me, would He say I was a woman of integrity?  Would He say He had seen me under the fig tree? Ouch.

On a lighter note, I was LITERALLY "washed in the blood of the Lamb" today!  This sweet man who serves communion and I had a miscommunication today, and an entire tray of juice and crackers fell on me!  He felt so bad he even came back to apologize.  I had already told him it was as much my fault as his.  I finally had to reach up and pat him to try to set his mind at ease.  Poor guy.  Accidents happen.

One of my favorite members of the praise team (who had left) CAME BACK today!  They did "Revelation Song" and I truly felt like I was filled and surrounded by the Holy Spirit!  It amazes me how God uses music to help us turn our minds from the every day world and focus so totally on Him. 

Bless you!

Haircuts

Is there a better feeling than getting your hair done?!!  That wonderful feeling of getting your hair washed, cut and styled?  Man.  I got to visit my sweet Delaney Green at The Ugly Press.  She is so wonderful.  She is a beautiful young woman and a very talented hair stylist.  Not only do I love to get my hair done, I just love talking with her. 

Today has been quite a productive day.  My husband cleaned most of the house today before I even got up!  (Yes, I know you are jealous!)  I stayed up late last night doing laundry, so I can check that off.  I changed sheets today, too, and put up what I folded.  Check.

So now I'm going to go to bed early.  Spring forward, fall back. 

Working full-time

I was able to add a background last night, with the help of my daughter Bethany!

Hopefully this will get easier for me!

Man, am I ever glad it's Friday! Woo hoo! I don't think I ever really UNDERSTOOD what working full-time really meant, until this last year. I have been working FT for 13 months, and I have to say it just STINKS. I miss being home with my girls so much. When I get home, I'm tired and I just don't have the energy to do the things I want to do with them. It's especially hard on McKenna since she goes to bed early. Bethany and I have gotten into a habit of staying up late, talking in bed, watching TV, messing on the computer. I am very aware that this time will come to an end as she gets older and moves on. I can't believe she is almost 17!!!!

I guess I had gotten spoiled, just working part-time for all of those years. During that time, I was aware that it was a blessing, yes. But NOW I have a completely different understanding of that. And OH, I MISS IT!!

But we have so many medical bills to pay, and I have to provide the insurance for our family, and there just aren't many part-time jobs out there right now, and with MY health issues, I can't work up on my feet. So I feel blessed to have the job that I do, sitting at a desk all day, talking to people on the phone.

But TGIF has taken on a totally new meaning for me!! Dear Friday Work Day, go past FAST!!!

Just another Thursday

Medical claims. Are they in English? It doesn't seem like it. I work for a third party insurance administrator. You would think that I would understand insurance and billing and claims. I do not.

McKenna has a "thing" scheduled for June 18th. When things like this come up, I'm reminded again that she has issues. Sometimes, I forget. That may seem funny, since she is the size of a 39 month old child, but really, I just DO. I think all moms of little people get this. You don't look the size of your child or the diagnosis or the medical issue that is before you. You just see your Angel Baby. You see the little gleam in her eye when she teases her sister. Or you see the way her face softens when she cuddles her puppy. Or you see the look of concentration when she is drawing something special for you. But what you DON'T see are the hips that are dislocated or the spine that is crooked.

But alas, these things have to be addressed, and we'll do that on June 18th. We have to have this at the main hospital, at the downtown Cook Children's Hospital. She will have general anesthesia and then have MRIs of her hips and then go to the operating room for arthrograms by our wonderful Dr. Gray. We are so blessed to have a dwarfism specialist so close to us!

When this is done, we will have to make a BIG decision: Do we fix her hips or do we wait? This is the $64,000 question. My hope and prayer is no. But we will see. We will depend on the Lord and Dr. Gray for guidance. But ultimately, we are her parents, and it's our decision. Wow.