I cried today.

I am not typically a crier. Oh, I might get teary eyed every now and then, but I don’t often CRY. But today has been just an incredibly emotional day for me. For some of you reading this, who are used to me sharing things that the Lord puts on my heart, you might not want to read this. For some of you reading this, who are used to me telling stories that make you smile or laugh, you might not want to read this. Cause today, I just need to “let it all out.”



I would guess that most of you know that our sweet Angel Girl McKenna was born with a “never-before-seen” form of dwarfism. And honestly, for the most part, I think I handle this pretty well, emotionally. I think that Barre’ and I make a pretty good team, and that together with Bethany, we do a pretty good job of taking care of her. We each bring to the table certain attributes that really help her to be the best that she can be, and hopefully, the most confident, healthy, wonderful child of God that she can be.


We see a wonderful dwarfism specialist in the Ft. Worth area named Dr. David Gray. I just can’t say enough great things about this man. He is, by “trade,” a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. And he has trained under the nation’s leading dwarfism orthopedic expert. I think we are lucky blessed to live within driving distance from him. The next closest would be California. Or maybe Connecticut. And in addition to his great knowledge, we just really LIKE him. He is a kind-hearted man who really seems to like McKenna. He is the perfect balance between laid-back and aggressive. And he LISTENS to us.


We started out going TO Ft. Worth several times a year to see him. But over the years, we have gotten to where we just go once a year, typically, and then once a year we have a “scoliosis check” done here at BSA in Amarillo. We have a fantastic pediatrician, Dr. Taghreed Maaytah, who we love just as much, and she follows McKenna for her asthma and normal “kid” things.


SO. . . if you made it through all the background. . . YEAH!


On Thursday, McKenna, Bethany and I made our trek out to BSA for x-rays. We used to do these in July, but since McKenna has her last MRIs of her hips in June of 2010, we kind of got off schedule. So it’s been 18 months since we had these x-rays done at BSA. They have a really cool machine that kind of “scans” her from about her jaw to the top of her thigh, and it just pops right up on the screen for me to see. Well, this time, it literally made me cry. I will just say that you don’t have to be a doctor, an x-ray tech, or a nurse to see that this is BAD.

So today (which is now yesterday since I stayed up so late) I went into to ADVOCATE mode, getting a copy of the report faxed to Dr. Gray. I talked briefly to one nurse and told her that, while I didn’t have a copy of the report myself, it looked worse to me. Apparently she had it in front of her, and she went into CYA mode, saying she’d have to talk to the doctor. Oh, but, he is leaving to go out of town, and she doesn’t know if she can catch him. Oh, and, he will be gone ALL NEXT WEEK.


WHAT? A WEEK?


So on my lunch, I went to get the report for myself and the disc to send to Ft. Worth. They measure the curvature of her scoliosis with something called a Cobb’s Angle. The last time we had this done, 18 months ago, it was at 19 degrees, according to the nice little report I have. Well, today, it reports as 37!!!


Oh, my GOSH. They start talking about doing SURGERY at 40.


So this is when I had my nice little cry. (Thank you Christy for the shoulder. And Tina for listening.) And of course I had a little talk with the Lord, and He tried, He really did. You know how sometimes you just have to CRY? I talked to my husband, too, of course, and my Mom and Dad.


Then I had to wait. But a week? Really?


Then I remembered that in January of 2010, we had some x-rays done AT Ft. Worth, in Dr. Gray’s office. I don’t get an official copy of that. So I whipped out my hot little cell phone, which is in direct violation of policy blah, blah, blah at the stuffy little department I work for, and called Dr. Gray’s office and left a message for the nurses, asking what McKenna’s curvature degree had been.






Bless her sweet little heart, at 4:30 PM, on a Friday, she calls me back, nice as you please, pulls that note right out and tells me that Dr. Gray had her degree at 30 the last time.


Deep breath in. . . .deep breath out. . . OK. That’s just 7 degrees in 12 months. . . OK. . . . And she’s grown, like, 3 inches this year, which ALWAYS causes a worsening. . . so. . .OK. . .Oh, wait, breath again, OK. This is good. Ok. We can do this. OK.


So I am thinking she just needs a new brace. She sleeps in a Providence Brace.

But she still has the same one that she has had since January of 2009. Well, Little Missy has grown TONS since then.


So we are just waiting for Dr. Gray to get back from wherever it is that he is, so that he can tell us what it is that we need to do. I am thinking that we just need a new brace. Now, won’t that be nice and easy.


And after today, the ups and the down, I think things just need to be nice and easy.

PLEASE, Lord, PLEASE!!!!!